All Summed Up

Green Day was awesome. Ended up going to Happy Endings. I finally got to kiss him. It was amazing. I wish it didnt end. The following texts got a little more in detail, but now its back to "normal". I dont want to give it up too soon, Im just not that kind of person. Plus it always seems to fuck up a good thing. I dont know where Im going with myself.

My ex is still trying to come into my life and I just dont have the sex drive, desire or anything to be with him anymore. I dont want to hurt him, I wish there was a simpler way for me to tell him without him getting hurt. I was talking to a family friend of mine and he gave me the greatest advice ever. I had told him that I wanted to be alone. I dont see myself being with anyone. As much as I want it, I dont think I will find another guy who will want to get to know the "real me" without wanting something sexual. Its been a while since I been with someone in that way and I intend to keep it that way until I really know how I feel. Yes I have a deep attraction for this guy but if I give it up, whats next? Ill just be another girl. I came to realization that the only form of relationship I want to have is with myself. I dont want to be hurt again.

Yes I may be a little rude to men at this point, but if someone is willing to see me past that then he is definitely worth it. I told Kris maybe when I meet the right person then maybe he can change my mind. Kris told me, "maybe you dont need anyone to change your mind, but yourself. you cant find happiness if your not happy. and dont go lookinfg for it either cause once your happy, people and the things around you will fall into place".

Lets see how this week unfolds.