Get It Over With

I just want tomorrow to pass by as quickly as possible. I was looking forward to it but honestly not anymore. I am no longer confident in the decision that I am choosing to make but I must live with it. I tied up loose ends and I am now all alone. I lost it all. I'm just gonna get really fuckin trashed, go home and sleep. Or maybe just get really trashed and visit some old friends at Happy Endings.

I have a feeling tomorrow may be uncomfortable. Once again I am no longer confident. My partner in crime is going to Aruba with her boyfriend and wont be back until next week. This is gonna be a shitty ass week, alone.

Hurry and make it Wednesday already, I just want tomorrow to go by. All the excitement has gone blah because I feel like I'm the only person putting in effort. Fuck it and fuck it all.

I just wanna coil up in my bed and sleep.....forever.

DONE

Nothings real anymore, I feel like I lost is all.

There's nothing to live for anymore, everything and everybody is just artificial and fake ! I am completely done showing that I am "available". Im tried of these games.

Seriously !

Huh?

Im gettin mixed signals. I dont understand.

Im confused. Im once again lost.

Still waiting, only time will tell.

Blank

So I let the worm out ONE of the cans. Rob isnt stupid and he asked me to be truthful with him during the time period that we broke up and I did. Even though we arent together, he tells me he cant deal with it. I dont understand him because he was the one in the 6 mth relationship whom he already confessed he loved the girl and wanted to have a family with her.

He asked to talk to me today. All of a sudden, Im to blame. He is a great person and he has a beautiful heart, but Im not ready to let him back in my life yet. I still want to see thats "out there". I know that it may not be promising, but I THINK Im ready to take that risk. Of losing someone that loves me, wants to marry me and be with me. I just dont think Im ready for that with him now because he had his time.

Part of me is scared of losing him but Im sorta kinda interested in someone else. I have jealousy issues with everything I been through yes and I vow not to get into anything (even if its with Rob) if I cant learn to fix myself. It wouldnt be fair.

Im looking foward to this weekend. I need a drink, really baaaad.

It's Whatever...

I vow to never tell anyone upfront how I feel anymore, nevertheless let them know how much I like them. It's bullshit that I have to play these mind games and when I least expect it, what I want comes right around. Fuck it, seriously.

Rob asked me to go to Six Flags with his sister, brother, nephew and nieces. I told him I would. It's not like we do anything anyway.

Im trying to grow out my hair, lets see how that goes. Till then, life? Its whatever man.

Just Another Day...

"..like lightning in my heart, a kiss so burning hot, im hanging on a thread thats bound to drop"

I could be setting myself up for disappointment. I dont want to get hurt. Nothing is promised.

I still dont know what to do with Rob. I care for him still but that "feeling" isnt there anymore. I feel like im doing something wrong. I dont have the heart to tell him how I feel because I dont want to hurt him. At the same time, Im not sure if I see anything with him.

Everything reminds me of him, but when he's here I cant help but think of those girls. He is a changed person now, but I think I have a change of heart.

Im interetsted in someone else but I dont know where its gonna go. I also dont want to ruin a great friendship over liking him too much! Im scared, stuck, alone and confused. I really dont know what to do with myself.