LOST

"..searching for the hope in this, to find a place where more than hope exists"*

I have all these rushed feelings of emotions running right through me right now. I'm feeling anxiety, depressed, confused, LOST, smitten, sad and this list goes on and on. I feel like the eye of a tornado and these feelings are just in a whirl pool all around me with no place to escape.

Yesterday was Father's Day. I can't even remember when was the last time I told "my dad" Happy Father's Day. Nevertheless, call him "dad". It bothers me so much at times and at times I'm just too numb to even feel it. So there goes the male figure in my life, someone who was supposed to show me what a real man is supposed to be. My brothers have their own lives to deal with and I'm grateful for learning what I know through them, but it didn't make me a woman though it did make me wise.

I really don't even think I know what will make me happy anymore. I really give up on trying to analyze shit, because in the end....does it really matter?