STUCK

My heart tells me one thing, my mind is telling me another. I know there are others out there that are NOT promising. This is what I fear because I want to settle down, I want to be loved and shower the person I'm with the same kind of affection and respect. I love Robbie, this I do but we have nothing to build on.

The first couple years he lied to me, cheated my feelings to keep these girls whom I thought were his cousins and friends around. Its been years past and I still cant get over it. WHY? All the time I was LOYAL, he wasn't. All the time I spend taking care of him, loving him, making sure he had breakfast in the morning before I went to work even though I didn't have to, I DID. I put his comfort before mine and all while I was at work/school, he was busy taking these girls out to lunch, meeting them on myspace....etc.

So yes we're two grown adults and he decided he needed to change. That great, really fucking GREAT, but what do I have to reflect on? What image of "the man that I fell in love with" do I see? Exactly, everything that I mentioned. This is why its extremely hard to try! He fell in love with another girl of the 6 months he was dating when I broke up with him. Me on the other hand, stayed single!

I tell myself, I need to go out there and meet people. So far the guys I meet we click and we have an awesome time. But they either lie cause they have girlfriends, have ex-girlfriend baggage or they have to move. Such is my fuckin luck, I swear I GIVE UP !

I do have my eye on this one guy, he's more of a friend to me. Part of me not wanting to risk telling him I like him is because I wouldnt want to lose him as a friend. Not only is he attractive, but his mental is a turn on. We value and like much of the same things. I'm just not sure if he's with his girlfriend/broke up or what. Honestly, I dont give a fuck right now. I'm just going to focus on me.

It does rip my heart that I cannot be with Rob, because we planned our life together. It doesnt bother me that he shares it with someone else. HONESTLY, if someone can make him happier, I would LOVE THAT. I just cant love him the way he wants me to love him.

I can only pray that I find that in return ='(