I met up with Mukesh Monday night at West 4th. Decided to take him to 1849, guess who forgot their ID? ;x

So we decided we'd take the cab to my place so that I can pick it up and right before I did some guy grabbed us to join a free comedy show. I explained my situation and he told me they're not checkin for ID's so I should be good. It was my first comedy show, and I had a great time. Got tipsy off of two beers. Mukesh's friend Dixon joined us. We had a lot of fun even after the show. I cabbed it home to get my ID then back to where they were. It was a beer pong spot a dive bar. Despite all those other guys hitting on me, Mukesh was still tryin to get my attention. Seemed like he wanted to kiss me when I went to talk to him. Anyways, we stayed till about 3am and Dixon was super sweet to drop me home. Because I sat in front, when I went to say bye to Mukesh so he can go in the front, we kissed and......no spark. But it was pleasant. IDK what the hell is wrong with me.

Anyways, after work tonight guess who I met....Brian! From OKC. Ok, so let me say that this is my first time meeting someone like that randomly. Met him at Union Square Park. He was super handsome and SUPER tall with green piercing eyes. We went to Max Brenner, the chocolate man. I was so scared that we'd have nothing to talk about but guess what? He is "Maurice" in the perfect guy I wanted. He's white, into the same music I came, veggie but won't force the idea down my throat, very smart, activist, cares for other except....he huffs a lot. Ok, not a lot but frequent. Like, I don't know if he has asthma. It KINDA turned me off, but his intellect is so on point. As we left, he asked me if I wanted to walk around Union Square park. He proceeded to tell me about his best friend from Bangladesh and how he likes Indian food and this law of attraction he believes in. SAME THOUGHTS and beliefs as mine! So surreal. So why was I nitpicking at the littlest things? Like him huffing? Why am I so picky for bullshit? Anyways, we went to a Brewery and had wine and appetizer. He told me how he liked Indian girls, how much like M.I.A I look like and how she's totally his type. He was like, nailing each nail on the head. I was totally started to see how life would be like with him if I were to let go of little bullshit I keep thinking.

He waited until the R train came for me. We hugged a bit before the train arrived and you know when a balloon expands? Well, its how it felt when I hugged him and I can feel like some kind of stretch in his back and moan and he breathed in and out. Should I be bothered by this? I know no one is perfect but why is this annoying me??? I need to stop. Please, I don't need another Maurice situation.

It's like, here is this AWESOME HANDSOME SEXY guy. Everything I wanted. A white guy, into rock, shares the same interests as I....and here I am getting turned off by the LITTLEST THING. Maybe I'm the problem.

I totally feel like this is a test. Like God is giving me what I need. Just testing to see if I am ready. I have to make myself ready. Really I do.

So anyways, he tried to kiss me when the train came. It was like a light tap on the lips. It felt nice but I was sooo shy. I texted him when I got home and it seemed like he was totally into me. He said he's free tomorrow and Friday! I think I'll meet him more later this week. I need to let go of this shallow habit of mine that I have.

I need to accept it.

BTW- Jeremy texted me to come to H.E. I told him I was under the weather. It truly only does seem like he just texts me when he has a party. Or I'm apart of his textin list. Whatever it may be, I think he's glad I show my face. Eh, he's cute wth. I'll keep it as friends.

OH and Christopher (TJ's brother) asked me to come by Flushing Friday night to play pool with him and some old friends. I may pass by. It's Labyrinth that night and Ami said she's coming out. Maybe I should spend the night by mom? We'll see.

Netflix then bed. Going to look for Eat, Pray, Love and think of Brian as James Franco in the movie. Because it's exactly how he is and maybe it'll give me courage to accept him.

Goodnight.